Dial 1-800-GET-ZERG!

We, the Zerg Swarm, believe that our special process, known as “infestation”, can improve your life in numerous ways! Being a part of a group like the Zerg Swarm means that you’re never lonely, and there will always be someone there for you. Your body will become more powerful than you have ever dreamed before; with our patented improvement system, you will be able to lift more, run faster, and eat nearly anything! Many sentient life-forms consider the Zerg look to be attractive:

“He just wants hugs!”

Wow, that’s gorgeous“, says Tserisa, a dragon who later opted for infestation. “Kinda handsome“, says a clockwork gryphon.

Usually, when a being opts for “infestation”, it is a permanent process. But we are prepared to offer, for a short time only, a free 30-day trial infestation! We will send a personal representative to guide you through the metamorphosis, and in adjusting to your new abilities. If at any time you are unsatisfied with the trial, the representative will either correct it or reverse the change.

If you wish to keep the infestation, we accept all major credit cards, Terran credits, Minerals, even masses of glucose! We will make all steps to make the Zerg work out for you.

You will be covered in a toenail-to-eyebrow warranty for the first three years. After market parts, unless obtained from a registered Zerg dealer, will not be covered.

Side-effects: May cause extra limbs, chitin, altered color, and odd looks from others.

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