It's A Wrap!

By Sichi

The actors (and other stage workers) in this presentation are presented in alphabetical order (with much joy from Banzai and complaints from Timon)

Banzai as Banzai Bob as the stage worker, which everybody pushes around Chaka/Tanabi as very young Simba and Chaka/Tanabi/Fuzzy at the end Ed as Ed John as the director Mark as the producer Mufasa as Mufasa Nala as Nala Pumbaa as Pumbaa Rafiki as Rafiki Sarabi as Sarabi Sarafina as Sarafina Sasha as the script writer Scar as Scar Shenzi as Shenzi Simba as Simba Timon as Timon Zazu as Zazu

Others (5 or so other lionesses, 50 hyenas, the gopher, the mouse, the other mouse...)

Scene 1: The Circle of Life

Timon: Let me get this straight- Bob is in the titles BEFORE me?

John: It`s in an alphabetical order. The only way you are going to get in front of him is to change your name to Barney or something.

Timon: Aha. I think I can live with being behind him.

John: Glad you agree. Can we get on with it now?

Take 1

John: Okay, the blue-screen for the sun is set and the sounds are going to be put in later. OK- Take 1

The animals raise their heads and everything is fine until Rafiki arrives.

John: OK Rafiki, now climb up the Pride Rock.

Rafiki slowly walkes around the rock and starts ascending it from the start (where the main cave is).

John: No, no no! Cut. You are suppost to climb it from the peak, so that you come in front of Mufasa and greet him.

Rafiki looks at the director, then at the high peak of the Pride Rock and mumbles something under his breath.

Take 2

John: Action!

Rafiki approaches the rock and starts climbing, but looses his footing half way up and falls.

Rafiki: Aaah! How as I going to climb dis stupid rock? It`s not only high, der aren`t any cracks or anything I can hold on to. What do you think I am- a bird?!?

Zazu: Hey!

John: Cut! Bob, put some footholds in the rock, so that he can climb.

Take 5

Rafiki: Dat is it! I will not put my life in risk again for one stupid scene. You either change de script or cut de scene.

John: Sasha, can we do it?

Sasha: We can`t cut the whole scene... What if we just cut the part where he climbs it? Move the camera and put a platform right under the peak. It should look like he had climbed it.

John: Okay, okay... I`m probably gonna get my ass fried for this...

Scene 2: The Mouse Scene

Scar: I`m suppost to do what?!? Zazu: He`s suppost to do what?!?

John: Why is that a problem? You don`t eat him, just hold him in your mouth.

Scar and Zazu: Yuck!

John: Hey, (lowers his voice)- I ain`t the script writer (looks at Sasha)

Zazu: Fine, whatever... What about the teeth thing? Birds don`t have teeth. How am I gonna show my teeth what Scar sharpens his claws if I don`t have them?

John: We have special fake teeth in store for that. You won`t be able to speak of course, so we`ll have to make several shots of this scene.

Scar: Oh goodie.

Take 1

John: Cut. Zazu, you should enter BEFORE he eats the mouse!

Zazy: Ooops.

John: Great, where are we going to get another mouse after THAT happened to the previous one...

Scene 3: Rafiki`s Tree

Rafiki: But I can`t draw! How can I draw a lion if I don`t know how?!?

John: Fine, we`ll get someone to draw it, then you`ll just draw a line over the head. The people watching it will probably think it`s a ceremonial crown or something.

Scene 4: The Wake-up

John: Simba, you run into the cave, jumping over some lionesses and on the other.

Simba: Cool!

Lioness #4: Hey, you can`t do that. Why should he jump on me and not on her?

Sarafina: Because my part has more words that yours.

Lioness #4: Sheesh, what I would do for a paycheck.

Take 1, on top of Pride Rock

John: Ok, are the reflectors ready?

Bob: They`re ready.

John: Go.

Mufasa: Look Simba. Everything the light touches is our kindom.

Simba: Wow!

Mufasa: A king`s time as ruler rises...(Mufasa closes his eyes and turnes away).

Mufasa: How do you expect me to look foward with that damn light in my face?

John: Cut! It has to be done, it`s in the script. If they bother you that much we`ll just dim them a little.

Scene 5: Pouncing

Simba: Whoa!

John (really annoyed by now): Is it really that hard to pounce on a standing bird? Cut. Come on, you`ve had 5 takes already. Just hit him this time, OK?!?

NOTE: (with much surprise to everyone scene 6 came through in a single shot. John just thanked god for small mercies)

Scene 7: The Bath

Sarafina: I`m not sure if I sh-sh-sh-should...

John: Cut... What`s with you? You never stammered before.

Sarafina: I`m just nervous.

John: Okay, what if you just aks Sarabi?

Sarafina: Ok.

Later...

Sarafina: Hmm... What do you think Sarabi?

John: Cut and wrap. We`ll take it.

NOTE: For the sake of children everywhere we will not include scene 8 (JCWTbK) and Zazu`s, um... "Colourful methaphors", which he used quite often. Thank you.

Scene 9: The Elephant Graveyard

Bob: Hey boss. What`s with all the green and red lights we`re going to use?

Sasha: It`s in the script. There should be a green glow from some vents and red from the lava pits... Or whatever they are.

Bob: Oh, I see. You`re trying to create a proper atmosphere, so the viewers can see the evil in the place!

Sasha (shocked by such large words from Bob): Er... Well no. My brother had a garage sale a week ago, no-noe bought the christmas lights and I didn`t want them to go to waste. I`m just lucky it fits in the scene.

Bob: Oh. Then what about all this hydraulics stuff?

Sasha: Mark wanted the pillars of rock to rise up.

Bob: But that`s dumb. Why would anyone belive that possible?

Sasha: Hey, he`s the producer. Ask him.

Take 23

John: CUT! Shenzi, what`s wrong this time?

Shenzi: We`ve had 22 shots of Simba clawing me. What do YOU think is wrong?!? What do you think I am, a hit-me toy?

John: Fine, fine, that`s a wrap!

Scen 10: Be Prepared

Banzai: Hey John! We`ve got a bone to pick with you.

Shenzi: Let me handle it...

John: Could you all please stop quoting the movie?!? It`s driving me mad! (a loud sigh) ...so, what`s wrong?

Banzai: Is that falling on an open vent thing really neccesary? I mean, it IS as painful as it looks.

John: We could use stunt doubles. But it would have to come out of your pay, since we don`t have a very large budget- the stampede scene ate it all.

Shenzi: Great, just great...

Scene 11: The Stampede

John: Aaargh! What kind of a cat doesn`t know how to climb trees?

Simba: Well sorry, I just can`t help it.

Mufasa: Am I really going to run into a stampede of wildebeest?!?

John: Don`t worry, it will all be computer animated. All you do is run and grab Simba when he falls.

Simba: Um... I fall?

John: Does anyone read scripts?!? Yes, you fall. We`ll put a small explosive charge in the stem of the tree, so it will look as if it was hit by a wildebeest. Any more questions?

Simba and Mufasa nod no.

John: Good. I`ll just get me an aspirin and we will continue. Actors, oy!

Take 1

John: Bob, before we start- make something with that tree so that our poor little kitty (gets a cold look from Simba) is able to climb it.

John: OK, roll it!

Mufasa: Hold on Simba!

Mufasa looks around, the turns to John: Where`s the stampede?

John: Cut! What, did you think you were going to run into a real stampede?

Mufasa starts noding yes, but changes it into a 'no' nod, realizing it to be a smarter choice.

John: The stampede will be put in afterwards by a computer.

Mufasa: So why not just tape a stampede and then put me in?

John: Because we couldn`t find a thing to stimulate the wildebeests. We tried putting mimes in front of it, but noone would do it. And Bill Gates just wouldn`t cooporate. He kept runnung away. Now can we get on with it?

Take 2

Mufasa jumps into the invisible stampede...

John: Cut. For one thing you are running in just the opposite direction the animals are- if you really did that, you`d be dead in a second. And Mufasa? (Mufasa turnes to him, a 'what now?!?' look on his face) -Simba`s the other way.

Take 15

Scar: Long live the king!

John: OK people, print that. Now Mufasa, come to the blue screen, so we can do the fall part.

Mufasa: But can`t you just use computers for that too?

John: No way! The guys at the special effects were talking about some kind of 'herd movement' crap and how they had to make the animals look like they are really running and avoiding each other. It drained our funds too much to make more animations.

Scene 12: Exile

Buzzard #1: Hey man, watch where you`re punching!

Pumbaa: Sorry, but it`s in the script. It says we come charging in, yelling and kicking.

Buzzard #3: Oh man...

Simba: And does Timon really have to tear my lips apart just to show my teeth?

John (with a cold bandage around his head): Stay calm, stay calm... Fine, whatever, just get on with it. Sasha, we`re taking the teeth- show part out.

Scene 13: With a Heavy Hart...

Hyena #15: What`s with the contact lenses?

Bob: We`ll use them to make you`re eyes glow green. It`s the only way to make it visible enough for the camera. The other stuff is for the shadows. Since it`s night there should be none, so we`ll just hide some reflectors behind the rocks.

Hyena #13: Man, this movie`s gonna be weird!

John: Take 1!

Scene 14: Hakuna Matata

Simba: No way. I don`t care what you say, I am NOT eating that!

Bob: Actually we made some out of jellybeans. It still looks disgusting, but the taste is fine.

Simba looks at the fake "food", then shrugs.

(young Simba and Nala are replaced)

Take 4

Simba walks all wet to John: Hey! You didn`t tell me the vine was gonna break! I hate water!

John: Hmm, must have... slipped my mind (an almost evil grin on his face).

Scene 15: Nobody knows

Zazu: How is my char supposed to know this song anyway? It`s not like african animals visit Disneyland on a daily basis!

John: I don`t write em`, I just film them. You don`t like it- tell Sasha.

Scene 16: Under the stars

John: OK, this is a simple scene. Simba, you just walk here and collapse on the ground and the SFX people will do the rest. I just hope they don`t attempt to toy around too much- they can be such children sometimes.

Scene 17: The Hunt is on

Take 1

Pumbaa raises his head from behind the log. His view focuses from the bug on a movement in the grass.

Pumbaa: Oh, hi Nala. Ooops!

Take 4

Pumbaa runs in circle, using a large tree`s wood as a foothold, when he slips.

Pumbaa: Whoa!

Nala in persuit falls over him.

Nala: Oh fu*k!

John: ...cut, Cut, CUT!

Nala (a paw over her mouth): Ooops.

Take 8

John: Cut. Nala, you`re supposed to pin Simba down, NOT the other way around!

Scene 18: Can You Feel the Love Tonight

John, tired and angry at the whole world, leaves the 'stage': I`ve had enough and I`m taking my break. Since you all seem to know what to do, you do this scene. It`s been rewritten so many times, you should know it by hart.

Simba (reading the script): Are you sure about this?

John (almost barking): Yes! Just do it!

Take xxx

After about half an hour John returns. In front of him a scene is being 'performed'. Again for the sake of the children we will not fully describe it. Let`s just say it involved sweating, growling and a few positions no one would be ashamed to know.

Simba: Oh yes, YES!

John: ?!? (five seconds of silence, in which the thought reaches his mind). Aaaaaaaaaaarhg! Stop! What are you DOING?!?

Simba: Umm, well what does it look like? And why are you stopping us anyway? We were just getting into some serious stuff!

Nala: Yeah, it was just getting fun!

John: This is a movie for CHILDREN! What do you think, this falls into the U rating? And what`s Shenzi doing here??

Simba: We thought it would make a nice addon- you see, if we put Nala on that rock and...

John (yelling): Stop! I don`t even want to hear it! The point is, this is NOT a part of the movie.

Simba: Well it`s in the script. Read it yourself.

John picks up the nearest script an reads...(moments later): SASHA!

On the chair where Sasha usually sat is a Coffee break sign and a note reading: Revenge! Never cut my scripts.

John screams and falls to the ground shaking. Bob steps by and puts some pills into his mouth, then turns to the others: Tough day I guess.

Scene 19: Coming back

John: No, no, no! Simba, you are "running", not walking home.

Simba: What, ALL the way back? What do you think I am, a road runner? Who`s writing this...

Scene 20: The Fight

Take 3

John (his hands shaking): Come on Sarabi, he`ll just slap you. There`s no reason to get so defensive about it.

Sarabi: Fine. But it better be a one-take shot.

Take 17

Simba: OK, stop right there.

John: Cut. What is it?

Simba: What`s this in the script: " Scar swipes hot coals into Simba`s eyes". Are you MAD?

John: Relax, they`re just Acme marbles [c], bruised a little and equiped with tiny lights in the middle. They present a danger on zero.

A "meek meek" is heard, followed by a road runner, a coyote in hot persuit. Simba and John stare blankly after them, only the sound of crickets and a going-by thumbleweed breaking the silence...

Take 24

Simba roars, the other lionesses with him.

John: Finally! Cut and print.

Scene 19: The Circle of Life

Chaka: Oh man! Are you going to put that messy stuff on my head again? It took me a week to get it out the last time.

John (on the edge of insanity): Sasha, what do you think?

Sasha: The movie is basically finished, we`re all tired... What the heck. No one will notice it anyway.

THE END Or is it...

Scene 21: Enclosure

After the movie this is what happened to the participants:

Banzai- retired to a MUCK and lived happily ever after... Well, at least until Simba came back

Bob- with his high expertese in handling nut-cases he became a highly-payed shrink

Chaka- sued Rafiki for putting him in danger by holding him over an abyss

Ed- was discovered by a young talents finder and his lyrics became world famous (they got very good critics, since they always had an optimistical laugh to them). His most recent smash-hit: Hah-hah... Bwahahaa!

John- was taken to a mental institute. Over 24 doctors became famous for trying to cure him. The number of traumas and other mental diseases discovered on him (the latest count): a little over 400

Mark- was sued by the Crazy Women of America Which Have Nothing Better to do (the CWOAWHNBTD, a very respectable organisation) for putting subconscious messages in the movie (the SFX people really got a kick out of it- right through the door)

Mufasa- was sued by G. Lucas for impersonating Darth Vader

Nala- was kidnapped by a FCOS member and held in a cellar, along with 50 large barrels and a sigh stating: "Last resort holy wine. Drink only if neccesary." Some knocking revealed the barrels were empty, as some saints [all Davids too] got their paws on the key.

Pumbaa- was also kidnapped by a FCOS member who mistakenly though Pumbaa was the only Pumbaa plushie in existance [`tis a mistery why they didn`t make more] and threw him in the cellar with Nala. Nala got hungry.

Rafiki- became a E-mart store superviser (and lost in court against Chaka)

Sarabi- got her share of slaping and joined a Judo club

Sarafina- became rich sueing fan fiction writters who used her in their stories

Sasha- was never heard of again

Scar- got a leading role in a movie called: Cry Hard 33- Yet again

Shenzi- became a bartender in a SF series Cow Trek- The Next Infestation

Simba- became a TLK fan and autographed himself to death

Timon- became a used car salesman

Zazu- created his own show and called it Mr. Bin

The Mouse- was digested by Scar

-The End-

LEGAL CRAP: This work is the property of Sichi. You may distribute it freely (though the word WHY comes to mind), as long as you do not show it as you`re own or change it (actually change is welcome, as long as you tell me about it). The locations and characters used in this work which also appear in Disney`s The Lion King are the property of Disney. This work is not made as an insult (or anything like that) and I cannot be sued for it (I hope).

Last fix date: 12/4/98

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